Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges

Introduction

This book is based upon Amy’s Ted Talk called “Your body language may shape who you are” which is one of the most watched Ted Talks of all time, clocking up around 20 million plus since 2012.  Amy is a social psychologist with years of research and knowledge about human behaviour and how our bodies can influence our brains and behaviour and that true presence stems from believing and trusting yourself.

I have to say that this book is the one that has most influenced me over the years. If you’ve ever suffered from low self-esteem, self-belief in your abilities or have a constant doubt that you just aren’t good enough (aka imposter syndrome) please read on.

Summary

As you may have guessed, I am a huge fan of this book and Amy’s work.  For me this book is a life changing guide to growing your self-confidence, so that you feel empowered to go get what you want from the world.

When we have ‘presence’ we feel personally powerful and even if we don’t feel powerful, a few changes in our posture can have the most profound affects on our minds.  Presence is feeling confident without being arrogant.

Amy talks about the inner self showing up – that most authentic part of you and the first step is about knowing yourself well; what are your life values?  When do you feel most at ease and yourself?

Imposter syndrome, keeps the best of us, from being our best, it makes us doubt ourselves and makes us feel like frauds and one of the most simplest and most powerful things we can do when we experience self-doubt is to take a few deep breaths, change your body and your mind.  You can access this anytime, anywhere.

What Resonated?

So much of this books resonates, it is the one book that had page markers on just about every page, making it almost impossible to say what resonated, but here goes:

Amy tells her own story through this book, and also the story of others and then moves on to focus on subverting each of the stories so they become more positive.

The chapter on self-nudging reminds us that it is okay to be on a continual journey which ebbs and flows through life’s ups and downs.  The concept here being that small habits, can build – it’s the ‘Don’t fake it until you make it, fake it until you become it’ message that drives you on to think about every day challenges as opportunities to become better versions of ourselves.

 Here are the ten principles of ‘presence’

 1.     Presence is about approaching our biggest challenges without dread, executing them without anxiety, and leaving them without regret.

2.     To be present, we must be able to access our authentic best selves.

3.     The way we tell our stories to ourselves matters; if we don’t believe our own stories, why would anyone else?

4.     We should focus less on the impression we make on others and more on the impression we make on ourselves.

5.     When we’re present, we convey conviction, passion and confidence without arrogance.

6.     When we’re present with others, we invite them to be present with us.

7.     Feeling personally powerful frees up bandwidth, reduces anxiety, and allows us to see challenges as opportunities rather than threats.

8.     Our bodies shape our minds, our minds shape our behaviour and our behaviour shapes our outcomes.

9.     When we feel powerless, our body language shrinks; when we feel powerful, it expands.

10.  When we expand, we feel powerful and become present.

 Favourite Quotes

·       “True confidence stems from real love and leads to long-term commitment to growth”.

·       “Stand up straight and realise who you are, that you tower over your circumstances” – Maya Angelou

·       “If you don’t trust yourself, how can others trust you?”.

·       “The feeling that arises from personal power is not the desire to have control; it’s the effortless feeling of being in control – lucid, calm and not dependent on the behaviour of others”.

Conclusion

Did I like this book?  Yes, yes, yes – the best book I’ve read in the last decade. It is no exaggeration to say that this book has the potential to change your life. Start by watching the Ted Talk: Your body language may shape who you are | Amy Cuddy - YouTube.

I would recommend this book if you suffer from self-doubt,  that nagging feeling that you’re going to get caught out as a fraud, or that you can’t break free of the things that hold you back, because you can and dare I say it, it might be as simple as practicing a ‘power pose’ (think wonder woman) and presenting your best self to world.

One final takeaway – the next time you are in any evaluative situation, for example, at a job interview, don’t scrunch yourself up and make yourself small.  Go into the bathroom and make yourself big and invincible – get into that star fish pose for a few minutes because doing this will force your body into feeling confidence because the very act of the post lowers your cortisol levels and raises your testosterone levels, associated with feelings of power.