The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr Benjamin Hardy

Introduction

The author of this book Dan Sullivan is also known as the Strategic Coach and it shares his simple yet thought provoking idea that the most successful people focus on ‘the gain’ as opposed to unsuccessful people who may focus on ‘the gap’.

Dan says that most people, especially highly ambitious people, are unhappy because of how they measure their progress. We all have an 'ideal', a moving target that is always out of reach. When we measure ourselves against that ideal, we are always in 'the gap'. However, when we measure ourselves against our previous selves, we're in 'the gain', which is where the concept comes in.

In this book, you learn that measuring your current self vs your former self has enormous psychological benefits. And that's really the key to this deceptively simple, yet multi-layered concept that will have you feeling good, feeling grateful and feeling like you are making progress even when times are tough, which will in turn, will bolster motivation, confidence and future success. If you're finding that happiness eludes you no matter how much you've achieved, then learning this easy mindset shift will set you on a life-changing path to greater fulfilment and success.

Summary

The book is a blend of research, and real life stories from Dan’s coaching clients and are based around five ideas:

1)     That most of the time we will have an ‘ideal’ which is a moving target that always becomes out of our reach.  It’s the “I’ll be happy when” scenario.

2)   Each time we are measuring our achievements from a place of what our ideal looks like we are essentially in the ‘gap’

3)   When we measure ourselves against previous versions of ourselves, we are then in the ‘gain’ – we are measuring our progress not the final destination, which is far better for us.

4)   When we are in ‘gain’ we are happier, more motivated, more confident and grateful we are growing.

5)   Dan talks about ‘always measuring backwards’, measuring accomplishments from a point in the past, to the present, puts you in gain, leaving the ultimate goal in the future which doesn’t exist as a reality.

What Resonated?

The book helped me understand that being in gain is based on harmony with what you want and where you are right now.  Being in ‘gain’ is when you live your life based on intrinsic motivators and a healthy desire to be better, which enable you to create a sustainable rhythm.  This way you commit to your ideals without unhealthy attachments.

At the end of each chapter you are asked a set of journaling questions, which are very useful and below are examples from each chapter:

 Chapter 1 – Embrace the Freedom of “Wants”

• Are there any areas in your life where you have obsessive passion? If so,  what unresolved internal need are you trying to fulfil?

• What is your long game? When you’re playing the long game, you’re doing what you love. You’re not doing something just to get somewhere else.

Chapter 2 – Be Self Determined

• How do you define and measure success for yourself?

• How often do you compare yourself to others?

 Chapter 3 – The Compound Effect of The Gap or Gain

• When was a time you used gratitude to reframe a situation into a ‘gain’ and move forward?

 Chapter 4 – Always Measure Backward

• Where am I right now?

• What are my wins from the past 90 days?

 Chapter 5 – Measure 3 Daily Wins

• What are my 3 biggest wins from today?

• What are the 3 biggest wins I’ll get from tomorrow?

 Chapter 6 – Transform Every Experience into a Gain

• Think about any specific experience – positive or negative.  Ask yourself: What about this experience worked?

• What ‘usefulness’ can you get from this experience to improve your future?

• What about this experience are you grateful for?

I also found really useful:

Lee Brower, a successful entrepreneur and gratitude expert whose teachings have been viewed by more than 100 million people, developed a list of six questions he uses as a filtering process for making high-quality decisions.

1)     Is this opportunity, person, expense, adventure, experience, relationship, commitment, etc., aligned with my values? (If the answer to this first question is “No,” then Lee doesn’t proceed to ask himself the remaining five questions. If, however, the answer to this first question is “Yes,” then he continues his filtering process).

2)   Will this opportunity, etc., take advantage of my unique ability and make me even stronger?

3)   Will it lengthen my stride?

4)   How will this opportunity, etc., benefit mankind? Is there a bigger cause or purpose that will benefit society?

5)   Does this make sense financially? Is this transactional or transformational? In other words, is this a stand-alone opportunity or a gateway opportunity?

6)   If I say “Yes” to this opportunity, what then must I say “No” to?

 Favourite Quotes

These are the key messages or quotes that really resonated with me:

• Reality Measured Backward “The future isn’t a reality—it’s a projection. And because it’s not reality, it can’t be part of any real measurement of your progress. The only way to measure goals is backward, against the past. Use the reality of where you currently are and measure backward from there to the reality of where you started.”

• Happiness is a by-product of realising that you are the destination. You are enough and you have enough. Your viewpoints and judgments of your own experiences are infinitely more important than anyone else’s judgments of you and of your experiences.

• Social media is largely designed to put people into the GAP. It’s designed to create unhealthy needs around being accepted and “liked.” Research has shown that social media and FOMO (i.e., fear of missing out) go hand in hand. FOMO is characterised by the desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing. People are trained to constantly “need” to know how and what others are doing, and to have others know what they are doing.

• “Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished. The person you are right now is as transient, as fleeting, and as temporary as all the people you’ve ever been.” — Dr Daniel Gilbert, Harvard Psychologist

Conclusion

Did I like this book?  Yes, I did, although it is a little repetitive once you grasp the gap and gain concept.

However, I would recommend this book if you think or feel that you are never reaching your goals or ideals, because the book does have a way of ensuring you think of your gains not gaps and to enjoy the journey and achievements along the way.

One final takeaway; I thought this question was excellent:

Josh Waitzkin, the former chess prodigy and author of The Art of Learning, always asks himself this one question every 90 days: What did I believe 3 months ago that I no longer believe today?